Drinking and Poo

Does everyone else suffer enormously with their bowel movements the day after they have been drinking. I have already "dropped the kids off at the pool" twice today and it's only half eleven. Both visits were substantial, but also mainly in the form of liquid (i suspect that yesterday I drank more than I ate). As an interesting side effect they were also a lurid hue of orange, though on occasion I have been known to also do Lime Green. This happens all the time when I have been drinking. Is it just me? Should I be worried or does everyone find themselves pebble-dashing the porcelain the day after a bender?

Great.

You're such a light-weight.

Literally, after the toilet visits.

Thought you'd al like to know that.

I enjoy discussing the minutiae of my excrement with a potential audience of millions of total strangers. I must tell my folks to check this board out. They'd be so proud.

Alright then. A question: If you have "created a problem" in the loo at work and someone goes in after you to use the cubical, what's the etiquette? Is it good form to say "I'd give that a few more minutes, our kid" or do you try and explain just what the fuck your problem is? Or do you say "Some dirt bastard has made a right mess in there."

Get some industrial strength air freshener. We have some at work. People always know when you've been for a poo coz the loo stinks of VERY STRONG roses. But it's better than stinking of shit.

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"VERY STRONG ROSES" ... love it! Conjures up a lovely image of all the daffodils and tulips cowering in the shadow of the all-powerful, domineering and spiky rose. Well, it does in my head, anyway ...

Red wine makes my bottom explode the next; other forms of alcohol are fine!

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How the hell do you do a vertical poo Wendy? Does it have something to do with being antipodean?

I need a poo now !

Come on Wendy, tell us ... aren't they normally vertical?

Lovely. Thanks for all your advice, people. I have heard the match thing. I reckon I might give that a go. Do you reckon it works because the smell of the match is strong or because it burns off all the noxious gases?

Going in to the females cubicle will never work because everyone knows girls don't do poos like that. There's all smell of roses (though perhaps that might be because my girlfriend has adopted that air freshener trick. Besides which, surely getting caught coming out of the women's toilet is surely worse than getting caught coming out of a freshly-bombed cubicle.

It was lager I was drinking, just out of interest. I have heard legends of guinness turning your shit to treacle.

I like the idea that the Aussies actually have an acronym for it. It's like the eskimos having sixty different words for snow! Your language reflects the coincerns of your culture! (Sorry Choc, I'm only joshing).

What can have caused this "vertical poo"? Were you on a different kind of toilet? Were you sat straighter than usual? Was it like it was sat up on it's hind legs gasping for air?

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I had a conversation with 2 of my (female) friends at the weekend about how many times we go for a poo. They were shocked when i said at least twice a day. But surely that's normal? One of them only goes a few times in a week. Maybe it's all the bran flakes I consume.

Twice a DAY? My word, Kuddles ...

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What?? I'm getting paranoid now!! Is that a lot??

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see! GM agrees!!

Once a day. Like clockwork.

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I'm about to go for my third, today. But as I believe I mentioned today is a bit of a special case. Normally once in the morning and then I might have another go later on. I pee clear about four times a day though, cos I drink a lot of water and I read somewhere that you should judge how much fluid to take on board not by hard and fast rules (4 pints, 8 glasses etc) but by how clear your wee wee is. So I'm all clear there. My bum'ole is the only worry. Mind you I only eat twice a day so I may well be on target for GM's one poo per meal ratio rule.

I would have thought the angle at which your log lays depends to a large extent on the angle at which it strikes the water on splashdown. I rarely expel the main solid out with sufficient velocity to fire it out and stack it into the back wall of the bowl. That's only supplementary matter that is. generally I guess they go horizontal because that is where the room is. Good bit of design that, then. If you do a floater though it generally does get persuaded to circle around the bowl at water level, looking like a cumberland sausage. Doesn't a parabola suggest it comes out at at least at a horizontal angle or higher? Doing a shit while you're doing a handstand is only for the very foolish (or people with good waterproofs and a particular kink that the Austrians should have a look into curing). Surely they've got nowhere to go but down and along?

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Don't be awkward. Gravity is the force acting on them. Encouraging them to lie down (this discussion is causing me to experience similare feelings, actually). There is only room for them to lie down on the floor of the bowl with their little head looking down the pipe to oblivion. Because very few people lean back to do a poo the turd is going to hit the water and the bottom of the bowl at a shallow angle, so that it's front end skids in that direction. Then gravity drags the pinched end down to join it so that it lies along the bottom, like a strangely camouflaged fish waiting for it's prey.

How very timely.

Normally, being veggie, my dumps are relaxed, slightly loose affairs. Especially after several goodly beers.

However, I've been up in Yorkshire this weekend, and that change of water and vast quantities of real ale, has played havoc don't you know. Very hard, very bunged up.

BUT..... I just went to lay some cable, and weighed myself before and after proceedings, using Fenland Lass's new bathroom scales..... And I would like to announce that due to the difference in before and after weights, the gargantuan biggie I just laid weighed a full 2.1 pounds....... Ta DAAAA!

Ay Thang yo.
Bows gracefully,
wipes tear from eye.

Good effort Mr Lad ... but I must remind you that a goodly portion of the weight differential would have been made up of piss. So your "gargantuan biggie" may have been a bit of an exaggeration. But us blokes are prone to that, eh?

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When you fart are noisier ones less smelly because the enrgy has been dispersed as sound rather than heat exciting the rank smelling molecules and making the whole place smell like an oven full of curry, cabbage and garlic bread?

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I get WINE BOTTOM, if I drink too much wine......

Not pleasant. but over (very) quickly

A strong cup of coffee first thing in the morning followed by a smoke then it's off to the loo ,regular or what?My father goes into a panic if doesn't go at least once a day!

Thanks OR. Good point.

Do you think this could be the 8th management habit of the rich and succesful?

"Note to self: remember to pee first before weighing self, prior to big jobbie"

what a bizzare conversation.

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The welfare of one's arse is a noble topic of conversation Mr Pel, and as such, should not be regarded lightly.

Look after your arse and your arse will look after you.

The most joyous relaxing holiday times can be rendered hellish by a misbehaving or neglected ringbit.

Condition of one's motions is like a window on the soul. Having an arse like a flock of starlings is indicative of the torment and inner trials of the deeper soul - either that or the sign of a damn good night on the beer.

Well Xav, I am not going to go into my shitting habits publicaly.Pop down for a coffee and I will tell you all you want.

My net times up.
Time to log off.

Time to log off

Ha ha HaAAAAAAAAA!

boom boom......

hope you plop in tomorrow

I bet he starts a up a chat about it with his regulars?

People on this board do talk shit sometimes!

Iv'e been waiting for that one!