Getting married chat

Serious question. What's the point? Or points. I'm genuinely interested to know people's views.

you get to spend shedloads of money on clothes that will never be worn again. At least if you go for traditional wedding

For money grabbing reasons ;-]

I did it because it seemed the only way to become legally next of kin. I have no interest in the symbolism of it and certainly no religious interest in the concept. I also hate weddings and ceremonies of any kind, so we had a quick register office job, no frills, no guests, no fancy clothes (jeans and sweatshirt for me)...if you must do it, do it like that.

Are you going to propose to troll? ;-]

But BB, it's the BEST DAY OF THE BRIDE'S LIFE!

I always worried about that one.

Presumably people enjoy the thrill of gambling half of their possessions on never splitting up.

I did it because I wanted us to belong together, I didn't much care who turned up or what anyone thought, I wanted to get married to the man and we still are happily all these years later. I'll still marry him and do the same again despite going to far more showy and obscenely expensive weddings since then.

As for best day of the bride's life.. I've had better but equally I've had much worse.

Because sooner or later, you might want to have sex and if you have sex with anyone to whom you're not married you go to HELL. Duh.

It won't sound very romantic but it makes things legally much easier if you are married. Since I am older than my wife, and a man, chances are very good that I am going to die first. Now we are married she will automatically get my pension death sum, what we've paid of the mortgage and whatever I've got in my bank and she will be more able to survive financially without me.

Plus we had a lovely day with our families and friends. You can make your wedding whatever you want it to be - a big expensive party and new clothes or just a small gathering (like we did). We had just four guests at the ceremony and then about 15 at the reception and it was nicer and easier this way.

Also, we didn't ask for presents, but we ended up with some anyway with which we had a wonderful free holiday together and some new bits for the home. ;)

I've been to some really nice ones (Simon and Kirsty's, Queen Blag's, Little Mi's) and also some horrendous ones. Personally I find the massive expensive showoffy one the most awful occasions imaginable.

It was just something that felt right and gave us the legal certainties that folks have mentioned. The party's awesome too, provided you don't spunk £20k on it and instead ensure everyone is relaxed and has a good time rather than worrying about spilling stuff on the over expensive hotel floor.

Personally I find the massive expensive showoffy one the most awful occasions imaginable.

Agreed. I'm not saying that all white weddings are awful but all the ones I've been to have been hard to get through.

I've been to a few big ones where there were punch ups... all the in-laws that nobody close to the bride and groom have seen for years etc... it should be very close family and friends... this tradition of dragging up all and sundry that nobody has seen for years decades is ridiculous and creates so much pressure... having said that as an observer sitting quietly in the wings it has given some great entertainment... the ones I have played at as the hired band have given the most entertainment... there was the large bundle at Swindford Paddocks when the uninvited jilted exboyfriend turned up with his brothers at the reception and the resulting drunken mayhem whilst the groom and his best man and friends tried to eject the angry ex resulted in the 8 tier wedding cake going tits up and them rolling around in it... we were playing and I laughed so hard that tears were rolling and I had to go off stage and sort myself out, the song came to an untimely end and the drummer slid down the back of the stage and was lying flat laughing his head off...I think we were paid off as the whole thing ended sharpish... Police called

My cousin's wedding this year seemed to have been longer in the planning than the Royal Wedding and whilst it was a lovely day, it was just that, one day and I know that the cost per head at her reception was £150 per head. As lovely as it was, it didn't seem that worthy but probably represented the circles in which she and her husband mix as lawyers in London. Our reception was in my grandparents back garden - admittedly a nice walled garden with lots of room but it was small and intimate and I think those are the best even if I am biased!

It's funny, I love weddings, as in attending them but the thought of getting married myself absolutely repulses me.

Despite your many suitors?

Because of :)

I like the idea of marriage and think I'd feel very disappointed indeed if I didn't get married.
*wonders if Mr R will end up reading this... hope's so!

Not only is it the one day in your life where you might invite all the people you really care about in your family/friends, and can arrange it exactly as you want it - and I do love a good party! But in pratcical terms it's a good way for you and your partner to make sure you look after each other when the other's gone - if one of you pops off and hasn't made a will, then if you're unmarried the partner gets nothing, but if you're married they automatically inherit.

Granted, too many people divorce. But I think that's down people giving up too easily. I think if you marry you have to believe it's for life and that you'll deal with whatever. I think that if a partner has committed a heinous crime, been violent towards you, or been unfaithful, then that's grounds for divorce. But if none of those things has happened, you really need to try and make it work, especially if you have children. My parents are married after more than 40 years and both would happily testify that much of that is to do with the fact that they let each other be who they want to be and don't spend every minute of the day together - they both have their own interests and things they do on their own.

I am not married yet and don't have children, so there may well be people who disagree with me. But that's where I am on the subject right now!

All very valid opinions...except for the bit about marriage ;P

if one of you pops off and hasn't made a will, then if you're unmarried the partner gets nothing, but if you're married they automatically inherit.

I made a will, it wasn't that tricky. I did it after work.

I think if you marry you have to believe it's for life and that you'll deal with whatever.

That's the same as making a private commitment to your partner. I've been with my g/f for 10 years, and the barrier to splitting up would be no smaller or greater were we married.

It's probably ultimately pointless to argue about something which is by definition totally personal, but I think marriage is a bit overrated when compared to a genuine belief in a relationship. I'm sure it makes a nice ornamentation upon it if that's your thing but it makes a weak foundation.

I got married to a shaved monkey ;-]

I know what you're saying arth. But I think guys are more likely to not want the marriage thing and sometimes they will get girls who'll go along with that. I think that, as a woman, if no-one asks you to marry them then it's a bit a like saying that there was no-one who ever thought you were good enough that they wanted to spend the rest of theIr life with you. Not that a relationship should be founded on marriage, rather that if all the bits are there then why not get married? If you're with someone with whom you wouldn't contemplate marriage, then are you with the right person...? I like the idea of standing up in front of a bunch of people and saying "You know what, this is my man. Yeah!".

i just don't buy the one person for the rest of your life deal, or ownership for that matter. I don't know much about ownership and possession (O&P) but i do wonder about the links between such unions and traditional monogamous relationships.

Also Miss R, you're assuming that all women actually want to get married and that not getting married, or even being asked, is some sort of reflection on the woman. I strongly disagree with this! I don't need a man or a man's approval to validate me or my existence and it's kinda worrying that some women would even dream of thinking such a thing.

That's the same as making a private commitment to your partner. I've been with my g/f for 10 years, and the barrier to splitting up would be no smaller or greater were we married.

It's probably ultimately pointless to argue about something which is by definition totally personal, but I think marriage is a bit overrated when compared to a genuine belief in a relationship. I'm sure it makes a nice ornamentation upon it if that's your thing but it makes a weak foundation.

Published by arthurCRS

same for me on all points. I have been with my partner 11 years...
Now 2 children, not married and okay with it all.

The thought of of me getting married in a big white wedding makes me feel sick with dread. If I ever did it, it'd be a small one or a friendly one in a style of SB. But I wouldn't feel invalidated if I never did, and I certainly wouldn't feel I'm "not good enough". I also know that BooBoo is a lot more conventional than me and if I was a BooBooclone we'd both be married by now, voting tory, with a fine collection of shrubs. But we're different people with different interests and I think we work because of that.

I'm liking the different viewpoints coming across on this thread.

Me and DJOMG will probably never get married as we spend too much money on wine for ourselves to save to spend it on wine for other people

Oi, there's nothing wrong with a collection of shrubs!

"I think guys are more likely to not want the marriage thing and sometimes they will get girls who'll go along with that. I think that, as a woman, if no-one asks you to marry them then it's a bit a like saying that there was no-one who ever thought you were good enough that they wanted to spend the rest of theIr life with you."

Jesus, you must be kidding. I absolutely hate the idea of getting married. Not just the wedding day (bad enough), but the idea of being a "wife", and all the centuries of patriarchal baggage that comes with it. Gives me the creeps, personally, though I know a lot of people who've made it work for them. I've been with my partner for a very long time and neither of us have the slightest desire to get married. If there were civil partnerships for different sex couples, as in France, I'd be very happy to do that, since it comes without all the crap attached to marriage - waiting to see what the outcome of the 'equal love' case is.

I'm going to marry splattergrabs, she gets all cross like my mum.

Yeah. What the hooded claw said. The idea that I would be sitting passively in my relationship just wishing and hoping and dreaming that my all deciding man will one day decide to make me a wife makes me want to bleach my brain.

I won't get married but this year me & Mr LP did have a minor celebration of ten lovely years together by taking my family away to Brighton for the weekend. It was very informal and quite nice. We did not require state approval to be happy.

Presumably people enjoy the thrill of gambling half of their possessions on never splitting up.

Published by troll at 4:54pm on Fri 28th October 2011.

lol - but so true! :0)