Why 'Ali in the Jungle' is the Worst Song Ever.

Just listened to that Ali in the Jungle song by The Hours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6nRGEXPEIw

I decided to try the quiz even though I hate Damien Hirst, because I could use the money. Now, normally, that would make me an ignorant of the worst kind, but it doesn't when it's applied to DH because the entire point of Hirst's art is its monetary value, so my selling the shit picture would be appreciation in its purest expression.

Well now, on to that song. As soon as it started, I knew I was in the presence of one of those bands that use a variation of the musical device that I believe is called the 'U2 deception'. So instead of a tune, they play in a kind of dirgy monotone which has some kind of delay effect and some synthy strings added to it in the chorus to make it sound *big* and give the illusion of complexity.

But that isn't actually the thing that I liked least about it. Almost straight away, it starts with the over-arching smugness that infects the whole song, like some kind of fungal growth made of wank. After the first two preachy lines that I won't bother with, the band sings “everybody gets knocked down. How quick are you gonna get up?” One of my pet hates is that sort of post-modern revisionism whereby every experience can be likened to every other. “My family was in a genocide and I am the soul survivor.” is the same as “my car was stolen.”

Now, I'm not saying that genocide boy has the monopoly on suffering, I'm simply suggesting that maybe some personal tragedies take more time to get over than others. And to then introduce a competitive element: “how quick are you gonna get up?” is like having a timed shit-eating competition, except you give one scat-muncher a single rabbit dropping and the other 5 tonnes of elephant dung and expect them to be equally successful.

So basically those two lines are saying that not only does your personal grief mean only as much as the person next door who has lost their mobile phone, but that if you don't pull yourself together as quickly as they have, then you're a less worthy person.

Then, they take that concept apply it to history. Again, I'm not saying that wotsisname Simpson didn't suffer, I'm just saying that it's in no way comparable to Mandela. If somebody breaks their arm because they're being a twat on a wall, it isn't the same to somebody breaking their arm because they are the victim of a racially motivated attack.

It might be a valid comment if it was, maybe, some kind of oblique comment on the idea that only competitive, arrogant youths would fight against injustice, but it isn't – and actually even if it was trying to make that point it would be wrong. And twatty.

Finally “Ludwig VAN, how I love that MAN, when the guy went deaf and didn't give a DAMN. Oo-oh.” Well, what can I say – apart from the awful, clunking, awfulness of the line, he quite famously did give a damn. It's a personal tragedy that can't really even be likened to the very impressive Helen Keller (I assume,) who couldn't remember seeing or hearing, so didn't have the same sense of loss as the musician Beethoven did when he went deaf. (I don't know who they're talking about when they mention Adams, but I'm sure it isn't suddenly going to change the entire meaning of the song and make it somehow plausible.)

So, it's dreary, obvious, lazy and smug and it takes personal experience and turns it into something that you need to compete for and yet, strangely has no value. Like that Damien Hirst picture.

But apart from that I like it. Oh, no, wait. No I don't.

I really like it. I find it "inspiring", I'm afraid. That's my guilty secret of today.

Yes - I thought a lot of people would like it. (:
Well that means that you're a much sweeter person than embittered old me.

I will concede that it's pretty shit sub-kaiser chief boy rock with a tune and some pub philosophy though.

Well I once owned a Robbie Williams album... :S

The first single I ever bought was "I am the one and only" by Chesney Hawkes. On that bombshell.....

Lily, i've not heard said song, but i would like to congratulate you for my favourite rant against a song, possibly ever.

Thanks SB___. (:
My trick is to hone the personality of a grumpy moron and then just, you know, let it out.

P.S. - there's a link up top if you actually do want to hear the song, although I obviously wouldn't recommend it.

I've seen Chesney Hawkes. It was great fun.
...My plausibility as a musical commentator is just going down and down isn't it?

You're quite right, it's dull and the lyrics are so lazy it's almost a non-song. I've never heard it before, and was going to give you a right telling off for putting up the youtube link and therefore indirectly inflicting drabness on what's a lovely sunny day, however, being one of the least catchy tunes I've ever heard, my ears have thankfully forgotten how it goes almost instantly. I thought the Ludwig Van reference was a nod to Clockwork Orange, but I guess it's far more likely that they watched Clockwork Orange and, being the crown princes of lazy writing, just thought, let's copy that. Then again, I suspect that the rhyming of van and man may have had a lot to do with it. Anway, next time, could you rant about a nice song that I haven't heard. Thank you.

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Everyone goes overboard from time to time, personally I'd rather submerge my head in a deep fat fryer than have to listen to that song again... kind of thing. And anyway, some people don't get up after they got down, Plath didn't. Chris Cleaves follow up to 'Incendiary' is quite good as a story about overcoming really bad experiences, worse than a bad hair day, the kind where it's better to be deadly serious than seriously dead.

chumbawumba got up again. humpty dumpty didn't.

>>Do you think writing from a first-person perspective in a confessional manner, and likening your predicament to something in history is ever acceptable, as long as there's a bit of skill involved and you can string a few original phrases together? Or is it all wank, whether one is reading "good literature" or cliche- ridden lyrics?

No, I have to admit, I don't apply the same stark rules to everything. In fact, I've probably just made a snap decision that I didn't like that particular song (based on some sad, defensive reaction or other,) and then tried to justify it...

Today is my drinking day, so not at all sober at this point, but I'm going to press on...

I have generally avoided Sylvia Plath because I find her very hard work, so hadn't heard/read that poem (I'm not particularly well educated, I'm afraid). But now that I have, I would say that, even though I find it slightly histrionic, it isn't what I would call a *bad* poem.

The main thing I would say is that, generally speaking, the problem with comparing stuff to the Holocaust (or anything similar) is that it has become a convenient short-hand used by people who can't be bothered to think of a better simile.

However, Plath's comparison is measured and, well, quite intelligent, because it is about something so subjective (yes, I know I'm contradicting myself). I think it is slightly glib, but, because it is written in the first person, and because it is so obsessive, it takes on a haunting quality. Whereas, something similar written in the third person would sound much more preachy and contrived.

I don't think that a writer/artist/musician can never plausibly reference something like the Holocaust (I think that a band called Neutral Milk Hotel and the novelist Jeanette Winterson have both done it well, as have many others, especially sci-fi writers,) but it generally depends on the kind of reaction that they are trying to elicit (i.e. lazy short-hand = shite). What do you think hairy12stringbloke?

____ - (did I spell that right?) I've never read any Chris Cleaves (good name), I'll have to look out for him.

My internet connection is not staying on long enough tonite to make any proper comment or even read properly. But I hate that song too, is what I want to say. Plagiarist crap. Radiohead have alot to answer for. I cant stand the sound of white boys moaning.

It's not the worst song ever, though. That's 'Sit Down' by James.

I do like Plath although I'm not that keen on "Daddy". I don't think it's a very strong poem except for the last line, which is brilliant. All the holocaust stuff I suspect can be related to the fact that Plath felt that she had slightly jewish looks. And that she really hated her father.

Doris - Do you have a favourite Plath poem? Or a favourite example of somebody getting it right when it comes to referencing something similar?

Space News - I love Radiohead. They are SOO depressed that they always cheer me up.

...I quite like that James song too...

I like Plath's writing, The Bell jar was Excellent, and as a dissaffected American moved to Cambridge I can relate - but thats where the connection ends for me with her. I dont appreciate the victim feminist culture she spawned in her wake. Its easy to sink to the depths of despair in the middle of nowhere in a harsh English winter.

There are so many worst songs ever and most of them have been made in the past decade.
Why am I ranting?? blurry hell. I better go get a biscuit or something.

You're is my favourite I suppose:

Clownlike, happiest on your hands,
Feet to the stars, and moon-skulled,
Gilled like a fish. A common-sense
Thumbs-down on the dodo's mode.
Wrapped up in yourself like a spool,
Trawling your dark as owls do.
Mute as a turnip from the Fourth
Of July to All Fools' Day,
O high-riser, my little loaf.

Vague as fog and looked for like mail.
Farther off than Australia.
Bent-backed Atlas, our traveled prawn.
Snug as a bud and at home
Like a sprat in a pickle jug.
A creel of eels, all ripples.
Jumpy as a Mexican bean.
Right, like a well-done sum.
A clean slate, with your own face on.

I also really like The Beekeepers. I've been getting into Heaney, Hughes and Plath recently. She's so talented.

I'll have a think for poems that compare personal suffering to genocide. I can't think of any. I'm sure there are some, whether any of them are successful is another question.

^^I do like some of that stuff and I can definitely see the talent, but, as I say, I do find it hard work. I don't think you should read too much of that shit in one sitting, mate, or you'll end up sitting there, crying whilst shaving your legs and listening to Hole. (:

>>I dont appreciate the victim feminist culture she spawned in her wake.

I agree that there is a lot of naval gazing rubbish, but actually I prefer that to the new empowered thing whereby you are suddenly allowed to wear hotpants and drive a Nissan.

>>There are so many worst songs ever and most of them have been made in the past decade.

I know!

I don't really buy this Slyvia Plath as man hating miserable feminist. She obviously was quite mentally unstable, and she also thought quite a bit about the confines of being a woman at the time, but I'm not sure that she connected the two as much as a lot of people think. Anyyyyyyway. It was like that, though, women stuck at home with children. If anything, it makes me glad I'm freer than that.

-I don't really buy this Slyvia Plath as man hating miserable feminist-

No, that was Mary Daly's job - scary business.
Sylvia was a tortured soul and a beautiful writer. Her son recently committed suicide, as well, I hear.

Doris I dig your command and love of language. The discussions between you and greenfred were like, whoa. Atleast the one I had to meekly tip-toe out of.

Too much time on my hands. In return, a few years ago I saw you at Kettles Yard. You had a helmet on your head and did a song about worms. At the end you hit your head and shouted "worms go away". It was totally brilliant. True fact.

hahaha - I forgot about that one. That makes me laugh. thanks.

The Bell Jar was one of the first novels I read (and re-read). Not sure if this was before we were forced to read the poems in Ariel at school, though I tried and failed to read Johhny Panic, maybe I'll try again some time. I have some affinity with Plath for various reasons I feel WAN is not to best place to air. *quick, change the subject* I thought Andrew Motion did well on 'Any Questions' on Friday.

Is that the thinking woman's "so, did you see the match on Friday?"

I didn't see it. I do feel a bit sorry for Andrew Motion. Must be a rubbish job having to think up loads of words that rhyme with 'royal'.

>>a few years ago I saw you at Kettles Yard. You had a helmet on your head and did a song about worms. At the end you hit your head and shouted "worms go away".

Well, that's creepy-crawly based art. Probably more than most, even.

Reminds me of that horrible scene in The Wasp Factory, the hospital one that is, back story for why the brother goes mad.

Oh, you bastard. (: I'd forgotten all about that. One of the most disturbing images ever.

"I didn't see it. I do feel a bit sorry for Andrew Motion. Must be a rubbish job having to think up loads of words that rhyme with 'royal'."

Without appearing to be disloyal
I find it hard to find a nice royal
But what takes the biscuit
Is that Liz could've fixed it
If only she'd fitted her coil.

I bloody forgot to do Sunday's question. Bollocking bollocks.

Slightly wrong thread, but you see what I was getting at.

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I forgot it too. Oh well, there are only so many pictures of skulls any one person needs.

fantastic review lily made me chuckle. My 2 pence worth is that i'd just like to say i hate these songs equally and think they're the worst songs ever.
Easy (like sunday morning),
sitting on the dock of the bay,
baker street

uurghhh

Ah yes. Well, I don't think any of the ones you mentioned are as bad as that smug emo thing, but I see what you mean. Probably a good rule is: any song that could be used to advertise yoghurt or tampons is to be avoided.

How can anyone hate Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay? It's gold!

Plus, it contributes to Eye Know by De La Soul, also gold.

I love Baker Street. It was me and my old housemates song.

I like that song too, weirdly. And I sing 'easy' to myself when people upset me.

Ahh i know it's all down to personal taste but jeeeees those songs are sooo dull!

Wow. You are an absolute fucking dumbass. This is supposed to be a motivational song, and because of your past experiences, you just down this song? What did it ever do to you?